To Be Home
by Just Call Me J
Summary: After being in the hands of the Shredder for a fortnight, they finally got him back. But before old wounds can heal, new ones are made. Self-insert. Rated T for blood, violence, language, cruelty, and other ideologically sensitive material. No slash, though, so don't worry about that.
1. Chapter 1

_This is actually based off a role-play session I've been doing with some friends on DeviantArt. We haven't gotten to this situation in the plot yet, but I'm hoping to eventually._

**_Disclaimer: _**_All I own is myself._

* * *

><p>The disgruntled boy sighed and flopped down onto his bed. He glanced at the clock which displayed 4:13 am in all its LED glory. He groaned.<p>

_Three hours since I got back._ He brought a hand to his right shoulder. Bandages wrapped around it and his chest. He sat up and carefully undid them, not caring that the local doctor would be livid when he found out._ It's not like I need them._ He let the white cloth fall to his side and lay back down.

A knock sounded at his door. He sniffed, but didn't answer.

"J?" came the call.

The blond sighed. "It's open."

A blue-banded face show itself.

"Hi, Leo," J said without any enthusiasm.

"How are you feeling, J?"

J rolled over so he was facing away from the turtle. "Not that good. But… alive." He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up.

Leonardo clenched a fist and suppressed a growl upon seeing J's back. A large burn covered the right side, in the perfect shape of the Purple Dragons' insignia. Obviously the Shredder had let Hun in on some of whatever torture J had to endure.

J turned to look at Leo, his blue eyes dull. "Anything else?"

Leo hesitated. _Telling us what he went through can wait._ "No. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I can go now." He turned to leave, but looked back. "Unless you want me to stay?"

J looked down and thought for a moment. He looked back up at Leo. "Can you stay? Please?"

Leo smiled softly. "Of course." He walked over and sat down next to J as the human crawled to the side closer to him.

The leader was slightly taken aback when J crawled onto his lap, as a child would. _He's barely a year younger than us. And he's about the same size._ Leo looked at the nasty scar that formed a ring around the human's left arm. _Oh, J… What happened to you in there?_

"Leo?" J asked in a small voice.

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear what Ch'rell said as we were running away? When you rescued me?"

The eldest turtle grimaced. "Yes. Yes, I heard him."

J leaned against him. "He said… he said I would never be at my true home."

Leonardo sighed. "You know we can't lose hope over something he said."

"I know, I know. He was probably just trying to get under my skin. Make me unwilling to live with you guys. I mean, he didn't have any proof to back it up. That's what Donnie would say." J cracked a small smile. "Don't you think?"

Leo looked away and didn't answer.

J felt something sink inside. Probably his heart. "Leo? What's going on?"

Leo hesitated for a full minute, but finally he caved, sighing. "When we finally broke into the building, the room we first infiltrated was the technology lab. Donnie decided to download their database. After checking you over when we got back, he went through them. When he got done analyzing…" He trailed off.

A feeling of despair rose in J's heart. "…Leo?"

The blue-banded turtle gently took off J's glasses and placed them down next to him before answering sadly. "Don found no error in the data. According to what the Foot scientists have documented…" he paused, dreading what would finish his sentence, "there's some force that's blocking entry or departure from your world."

"What?" J said, confused. "But then, how did I get here?"

Leo shrugged. "Apparently, that was just a fluke. It won't work again."

J just stared at Leo, comprehending the full weight of this development. A lump formed in his throat. "So…" J swallowed before choking, "I can't go home?" His voice broke.

Leo bowed his head sadly. "I'm afraid not."

The human's heart sunk until it found a nice comfortable spot in his gut. A well of sorrow was already building.

And then the dam broke as J wept. He threw his arms around Leo and cried into his shoulder.

Leo hugged him and rubbed his back soothingly. "I'm sorry, _Otouto_."

* * *

><p><em>Why do I put myself through torment?<em>

_I didn't mention the girls, but they also include themselves in the plot. I'm the only guy. Fun._

_You're actually told more than you might first comprehend. Read it over again to see what implications are there._

_And no yoai. Please._


	2. Chapter 2

_I decided to expand on the first chapter. Now it's not a one-shot anymore._

_**Disclaimer:** I only own myself. Hopefully nobody tries to sue me for that._

* * *

><p>Michelangelo looked over his immediate older brother's shoulder anxiously, baby blue eyes eying at Donatello's computer monitor suspiciously. <em>He's gotta have a mistake somewhere in here. No way the Shredder was telling the truth!<em>

Don sighed, reading the orange-banded turtle's mind. "Sorry Mikey, but I've looked over the Foot's research at least five times. What I've gotten done so far on my own matches up completely. And everything that the Foot got done ahead of me is all accurate."

Raph came in. "They gotta be lying."

Donnie shook his head sadly. "Unlikely. I transferred this data from their lab computers."

Raph growled and clenched both fists. "Damn it."

Mikey looked over Don's written notes again, trying to understand all the geek-speak. It didn't take long for him to give up.

"My sons."

The three turtles looked to see Master Splinter in the doorway.

"Yes, Master Splinter?" Don responded.

The rat entered the lab and stood next to his second youngest. "You all have done so much tonight. You all should rest."

"But-" the young genius started. But his sensei cut him off with a raised hand.

"J is safe. That is what is important." He put a hand on Don's shoulder. "Come."

The purple-banded turtle sighed in defeat. He got up and followed his brothers and father into the living room.

It was around this time that Mikey voiced a question that was floating in everyone's heads. "When are we gonna tell him?"

Donnie shook his head. "I'm not sure I want to tell him."

Suddenly a new voice joined the conversation. "You won't have to worry about that, Donnie."

Everyone looked over at Leonardo, who was carrying the sleeping form of J, bridal style.

Raph walked up to him, ticked. "Oh great. Just great. Ya told him!? Why would ya do that!?"

Leo looked at J's tear-stained face. "I didn't want to hide it from him. Remember how he told us how he knew about us right away?"

"Oh yeah. He said he didn't want it to slip out later and have us be mad at him for not telling us," Mikey answered.

Master Splinter nodded. "So you extended the same courtesy back to him."

"Right."

Donnie shifted nervously. "How did he take it?"

Leo sighed and held J a little closer. "He cried himself to sleep."

Mikey ran up close. "Poor J!"

Raph wasn't please. "See? This is what I mean! His spirit's busted up by the Shredder and then ya go and stomp on it!" He stomped over to Leo, glaring.

The blue-banded turtle glared back. "He needed to know."

"No he didn't!"

"What's done is done! I'm not sorry!"

"Damn straight, you're not!"

"Raphael!" Splinter said sternly.

Donnie stepped between them. "Guys, knock it off. You're both right, in a way."

Both turtles opened their mouths to argue.

"And you're gonna wake J if you keep it up," Mikey complained, cutting them off.

Neither of the elder turtles had a response.

Donnie turned to Leo, planning on changing the subject. "Did you take off J's bandages?"

Leo gave Don a look of disbelief. "Of course not. I think he did it before I went in to check on him. Do you really think I'm that foolish?"

Everyone looked at Raph for the inevitable confirmation to Leo's rhetorical question.

The hothead already had his mouth open, but closed it upon noticing everyone's accusing stares, pretending he wasn't going to insult Leo.

"What?" he said, annoyed.

Mikey looked at Raph, then at Leo. "Okay, dudes," he began sternly, "you need to chill. If you guys argue like this, our lil bro isn't going to feel very good when he wakes up. So you bros need to get along till he gets better. **Okay**?"

Both turtles had the decency to look embarrassed that they had just gotten lectured by **Michelangelo**.

Mikey smiled. "Good. Now I'm pooped. So Leo, I need you to lay J on the couch. I have an awesome idea."

Everyone stared at Mikey blankly.

"Care to explain further?" Don inquired after a second.

Mikey groaned inwardly. "I was thinking we could get all our mattresses out here and bunch them all together like one big bed." The orange-banded turtle grinned again. "Then we all sleep on it, like in the good old days."

"Ya mean like when you and Donnie had nightmares?" Raph interrupted with a smirk.

Mikey fake pouted, but nodded. "Except with J in the middle."

Master Splinter walked over to the couch. "I think that would be an excellent idea." He sat down. "Leonardo. Please bring J to me. I will watch him while you four gather your mattresses."

"Hai, sensei," Leo replied, carrying his human brother to the couch. He laid J down, positioning him so that his head rested on Master Splinter's lap.

Meanwhile, the others had already begun bringing the mattresses in.

"Need I remind you, Raphael, that you also tended to have nightmares? Primarily about giant insects, arachnids, and other such -"

"Shut up, Donnie."

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

Soon enough, all five teens were comfortably sleeping on the line of mattresses in the middle of the living room floor. Donatello and Michelangelo slept on either side of J, with all three sleeping between Leonardo and Raphael.

Some time after all were asleep, J's eyes opened. He looked around confused.

_Where am I?_

He tried shifting, but he was bound by something strong. J's breath caught in his throat. _What now?_

A mew broke him out of his despair. J looked up to see a feline-like silhouette.

"Klunk?" the boy whispered.

The cat mewed in confirmation.

_If Klunk is here then…_ J hand went to whatever was holding him in place.

It was a pair of leathery arms. J's hand traced one toned arm until he found the shoulder it was attached to. Then his hand found the edge of a plastron.

_Obviously a turtle's. But whose?_ J hesitantly felt his way up to the turtle's snout. He was rewarded with a soft grunt.

_Donnie? So the rumors are true… He is a snuggle-bunny when he sleeps._ J suppressed a giggle, but he couldn't resist grinning like an idiot. _It looks like he didn't outgrow it._

J felt something rub against his shin. He realized that Donnie wasn't the only one who joined him. He focused all his attention on that general direction. He heard some light snores, but that was coming from behind the form just in front of him.

_Is that Raph back there?_

Suddenly, the form in front of him mumbled something about either anchovies or Argentina. J's mind quickly identified the voice.

_And given that it's Mikey, it's probably anchovies. And since Donnie, Mikey, AND Raphie are here - Wait… 'Raphie'? Oops. Don't tell him I called him that. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. If Donnie, Mikey, and Raph are all here, I think it's safe to assume that Leo is also here._

J smiled softly as an overwhelming sense of security washed over him. He snuggled back against Donatello until he was as close as possible. Slowly he started to drift off to sleep.

_Hey,_ J's brain suddenly called out. _You think it's awkward that Don doesn't have his mask or gear on and that you don't have a shirt on?_

_REALLY?_ was all J could respond with before falling completely asleep.

**_*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*_**

Klunk watched as his master's human companion fell asleep. The young cat sensed that his whole pack was a lot calmer than they had been for the past fortnight.

And he was happy for this. Klunk couldn't stand it if his pack was distressed. But now all was right.

The tabby jumped up onto the the coffee table and made himself comfortable, before falling asleep himself.

* * *

><p><em>Next chapter, look forward to a new character being introduced.<em>

_And tell me what you think of all this. Feedback is beautiful._

_*singing* You're beautiful... So beautiful! Baaah-daaaah..._

_Er, sorry. Random moment._


	3. Chapter 3

_I realize that this story is a prime example of en media res. In two ways._  
><em>1st reason: This story starts between when the Shredder captures me and my psychological recovery from the experience.<em>  
><em>2nd reason: This story takes place in between my entry to the 2k3-verse and … well… the rest of my time in that world. Which is, apparently, the rest of life, according to the Foot's research.<em>

_Oy._

_**Disclaimer:** I hear that these disclaimers are unnecessary. To me, that just makes them more fun to do._

* * *

><p>J awoke to find himself alone in the bed. Grunting, he stretched, arching his back, and was rewarded with a few pops.<p>

"Well, look who's awake."

J jumped and twisted his body to look behind him. Raph was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs stretched out. He already had his mask and gear on, minus his _sai_.

"Raph?"

"Mornin' bro," the turtle greeted, smirking gently.

J just sat there, staring at his surrogate brother, waiting for his mind to wake up more thoroughly.

"So I'm really home…" J murmured.

Raph grimaced, unsure how to answer. The red-clad ninja's silence didn't go unnoticed.

J grunted in slight annoyance, "At least I'm here instead of…" he trailed off, shuddering. _Don't cry… Don't cry…_

Raph narrowed his eyes at this. "What the shell did Shredder do to ya?"

J shut his eyes, refusing to answer.

"J."

The boy gave Raph a dark look. "I don't want to talk about it."

_Dammit, J!_ Raphael wanted to press further, but his instinct told him to wait. And while he wasn't the most patient of turtles, he wasn't one to go against his instincts.

After a few quiet seconds, J spoke again. "I smell food."

Raph smirked. _He still talks like himself. That's good._ "Yeah. Everyone is in the kitchen waitin' for ya."

J cocked an eyebrow. "Everyone but you."

Raph shifted slightly, then leaned in and put an arm around J's bare shoulders. "Yeah, well, someone had to stay and keep an eye on ya fer when ya woke up, so naturally I… uh… got picked."

J's mind picked up on Raph's stammer, and it quickly started to analyze it. He looked at his brother scrutinizingly. "You volunteered, didn't you?"

The red-banded turtle looked sheepish. "I dunno what you're talkin' about."

_Got him!_ J's brain did a little happy dance. "You volunteered," he said more confidently.

"Me? Nah. Ya got the wrong turtle, bro."

"Do I, now?"

"I didn't volunteer."

"Yeah." J took Raph's arm off of his shoulders and sat straight up, facing the turtle. "You did," he said smugly.

Raph was unimpressed. Finally, he sighed in defeat.

_Cue mental fist-pump,_ J said to himself.

"Fine. Yes, I volunteered."

They sat in silence for a while after that. That while only lasted half a second, because J thought of something.

He grinned at Raph. "I bet you came up with the idea, too."

Raph's eyes widened slightly. That was all the confirmation J needed.

Raph couldn't believe it. "How did ya-?"

"Hellooo?" J said with a smirk, "Remember me? J, your resident-as you say it-'damn fanboy'?" He had adopted a Brooklyn accent to imitate Raph. He returned his voice to normal. "I know these things."

Raph smirked back. "Yeah, whatever." He looked toward the kitchen, where he could practically hear Mikey restraining himself from bringing them breakfast in bed. "Whaddaya say we go get some breakfast?" He stood up from the makeshift bed.

J nodded, kicking the blankets off and getting up. "Sounds good to me." And Raph?"

"Yeah?"

The emerald turtle suddenly found himself in an embrace.

"Thanks."

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

Mikey paced the kitchen floor anxiously.

"What if he doesn't wake up!?" Mikey said suddenly, panicked.

Master Splinter just sipped his green tea indifferently while Leo shook his head exasperatedly.

Rolling his eyes, Don grabbed his coffee mug, stood up, and walked to his little brother.

Putting his free hand on his shoulder, he said, "Mikey, J is fine. He just needs sleep. I think he slept particularly well, considering."

Mikey somberly looked at the doorway. "Considering what he went through? Or…" the prankster turned back, smirking, "Considering you were smothering him all night?"

The genius turtle deadpanned. "Don't you dare start, Michelangelo. I have yet to finish my coffee." To emphasize his point, Donatello took a big gulp of his liquid life.

Mikey backed away nervously. "Uh… right."

"Mikey has a point, though, Donnie," Leo pointed out, a small smirk adorning his face.

"Leo!" Don whined.

Mikey ran over and, giggling, hugged his oldest brother. "I love you, Leo!"

Leo yelped in surprise as Mikey nearly knocked him of his seat. Meanwhile, Donnie downed the rest of his coffee, glowering.

Just then, the voice they were waiting for sounded from the doorway. "You know, I probably doesn't help any that I was the only one wearing clothes."

Everyone immediately perked up. "J!"

J contentedly strolled into the kitchen, adding, "And even then, it was just these sweatpants." He gestured to his apparel before sitting down.

Splinter, while relieved that J was up, wasn't amused at what he was implying, and he showed it in the way his ears flattened against his head and the way his brow was furrowed.

"J, while I am pleased to see you are awake…" he began sternly, walking up next to his newest student.

J, immediately knowing where this was going, sheepishly looked at his _sensei_. "Sorry, Master Splinter."

The wise rat smiled softly at the boy and hugged him. "Welcome back, my son."

J promptly returned the gesture.

Mikey cleared his throat awkwardly. The two broke their embrace, and looked at him.

The sea green turtle put a plate of food down in front of J. "I wanted to make your favorite, but Donnie said I couldn't."

The genius turtle nodded. "You're obviously malnourished, so your stomach may have rejected something as complex as Swedish pancakes."

"And brown sugar!" Mikey added, grinning.

"Right… anyway, we gave you something small and simple. I hope you understand."

J looked at the plate in front of him. An ordinary, buttered bagel and a few apple slices were on it, and a tall glass of water accompanied the meal.

"Don't worry, Mikey," J reassured. "It's fine."

Mikey fake pouted, but pushed the plate closer to his little brother. J eagerly picked up the bagel.

Only to have an olive-green hand placed on his wrist.

"Small bites," Donatello ordered, now in full Doctor Don mode. "And chew thoroughly. And take small sips of your water."

J resisted the urge to roll his eyes, choosing a small smile instead. "Yes, Donnie. Anything else?"

Don smiled back. "Yes. Eat the bagel while it's still warm."

* * *

><p><em>I'm so sorry! I said that a new character would be here, but at the last minute I decided to separate this into two chapters.<em>

_But the next chapter WILL introduce someone new. I promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Just when I think I'm going to update my _Mario _fic first, I finish this chapter. Oops. Oh well.  
><em>

_Guess what! I actually got that new character I mentioned into this chapter! Yay me!_

_**Disclaimer:** If I owned TMNT, then they would be a lot shorter in the new movie._

* * *

><p>The kitchen was quiet as everyone ate. J ate slowly, per Donatello's request. The silence was getting to everyone, and they all knew why. But no one was ready to break the silence, and J wasn't ready to relive his experience with the Shredder.<p>

Another reason to eat slowly. J wasn't the only one to notice this, however.

Raphael narrowed his eyes. _Ya ain't hidin' this forever, J._

Then he looked at Leonardo, hoping to get his attention. Luckily, the leader noticed his gaze, and he returned it inquisitively. Raph glanced at the door, then back at Leo. Understanding, Leo nodded. The two oldest turtles silently got up and left the room.

No one asked why they left. Partly because nobody wanted to be the one to break the silence, partly because they already had a good idea of what the answer would be anyway.

With that in mind, J finished what was left of his toast and took his plate to sink. "I'm gonna take a shower," he said to those still in the kitchen, "if that's alright with everybody."

Michelangelo looked at Don, who nodded. "Sure, dude."

"Great." J forced a smile. "Haven't had a decent one in two weeks." _Oh shoot ‒ I just said that out loud._ He quickly made his way out before it sunk in, leaving three confused mutants behind.

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

Leo shut the door behind him as he entered his room with Raph.

The red-banded turtle wasted no time. "He ain't talkin', Leo."

Leo sighed, "I know."

"Kid didn't even beat around the bush when he woke up. Flat out said said he didn't want to talk about it."

"He'll open up in time. I'm sure of it." Leo didn't sound sure, and they both knew it.

Raph huffed, "Ya mean like you did?"

Leo winced. He knew all too well what Raph was talking about

The hothead kept digging. "Or Donnie? Or Mikey? Remember how long it took **them**?" He poked Leo in the plastron roughly.

The blue ninja grabbed his wrist and pushed it back, responding coldly, "Of course I remember ‒ I was there."

Raph pulled his hand out of Leo's grip. "And what makes ya think J's gonna be any different?" He started counting off on his fingers. "He still ain't used to the 'bro' thing. He's got so many secrets already that he's keeping from us ‒ we don't even know his name!"

"That's just to mess with Mik‒" Leo began.

Raph cut him off. "But he still don't tell the rest of us! And to top it off, while you, Mike, and Don all just had one day of hell, J had to go through TWO WHOLE WEEKS!"

"Raph, keep your voice down or he might hear," Leo warned.

The hothead bit his tongue. _Shit._

Leo used this moment to think. _If we don't want any repeats of the other times, we're going to have to take action soon. But if we press J too soon or too often, we run the risk of him shutting us out._ "We need to time it just right," he finished out loud.

Raph nodded impatiently. "Well?"

Already, the leader was formulating a plan. "How's this? We give J five days to recuperate in peace. On each day, just one of us will keep him company, as if it's a normal day. If he doesn't open up to any of us individually, then we take action on the sixth day."

Raph nodded again, considering Leo's idea. "If ya ask me, six days is still too long."

"Do you have a better idea?"

Raph shrugged. "Guess not."

Leo opened the door and headed out. "Then let's tell the others."

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

Meanwhile, the others were trying to understand J's parting words.

"Uh…" Michelangelo began, "did anyone else notice that J didn't, you know, smell?"

Donatello nodded. "I didn't smell anything last night when I examined him."

"Or when you were cuddling him?" Mikey quipped with a sly smile. He was rewarded with a tired glare from the brainy turtle.

Any response he had, though, was cut off when Master Splinter spoke up, "Perhaps you are trying to think of the wrong odor."

His two youngest sons looked at him in confusion. "Huh?"

The old rat set his teacup down. "As you recall, I watched J while you for gathered your mattresses last night." Upon receiving nods, he continued, "Well, I noticed a lingering scent of disinfectant on him."

"Disinfectant?" Don repeated.

Mikey cocked an eye ridge. "What's so weird about that?" he asked. "Donnie examined him before that."

The genius shook his head. "That was just a small physical, Mikey. To make sure he could still move properly. I didn't need disinfectant. In fact…" Don paused as he thought about the previous night's events in the lab. "J asked me if I was going to use any. When I said _no_, I thought I heard him sigh in relief. It was really quiet, so I thought I just imagined it. But…" He furrowed his brow. "No, I'm sure of it. He was relieved that I wouldn't use it."

Mikey tilted his head. "Weird. I wonder why. Do you think it has something to do with…" He trailed off. "You know."

Splinter sighed sadly, his eared flattening against his head. "We can only hope that J will be willing to tell us soon."

Mere moments later, Leo and Raph returned to the kitchen.

"Where's J?" Raph asked upon noticing the room's severe lack of human presence.

Just then, they heard the sound of running water coming from down the hall.

"Shower," Donnie answered simply.

Leo sat down. "That's fine," he said. "Actually, it works in our favor. I have a plan for getting him to open up."

Donatello cocked an eye ridge skeptically. "A whole plan? Is that really necessary?"

Raphael deadpanned, "What do you think, brainiac?"

Understanding, Donnie looked at his coffee mug shamefully.

Splinter gave his second-youngest a sympathetic look before inquiring the oldest, "Leonardo, please tell us your plan."

And so Leo relayed his idea for helping J.

After he was finished, Mikey spoke, "You know, Leo, the girls are probably gonna want turns, too."

Silence loomed in the kitchen.

"Oh shell."

"The girls!" Don exclaimed in terror. "We forgot to tell the girls!"

"We are so dead," Leo moaned.

"Well, uh," Mikey stammered, "maybe we don't tell them?" His suggestion was rewarded with a smack to the back of the head, courtesy of Raphael. "Ow!"

"They're gonna find out eventually," the hothead pointed out. "Face it fellas, we ain't gettin' outta this one. We just need a plan to get out in one piece." He looked at Leo expectantly. "Well, Fearless?"

The leader shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Well," he began, "Cherry is the most easygoing, so I guess we could call and tell her, and then she would tell Des and call and tell Kellie."

Raph smirked. "Great." He tossed Leo's shell cell on the table and proceeded to exit the kitchen. "You do that."

Mikey quickly follow him, not wanting to be the unfortunate turtle to make the call.

Donnie rose and slowly backed away with coffee mug in hand. Before Leo could get a word in, he pointed out, "You're the most logical candidate for this, Leo. Cherry likes you." After that, he, too, fled the scene.

"Donnie!" the blue-banded turtle yelled in disbelief. He looked around for Master Splinter in the hopes that he could pass the duty on to him.

Unfortunately for Leo, the wise rat was nowhere to be found; he had left the as soon as the girls were mentioned. Very wise, indeed.

The leader sighed, "Shell."

With as much dignity as he could muster, he accepted his fate and dialed the number.

"_Hello? Leo?"_

Leo couldn't help but wince when Cherry answered.

"Hi, Cherry," he said, trying not to sound nervous. "Good news: we found J."

"_WHAT? Really?"_ she squealed, _"Where is he? Where are you? Do y'all want me to call Kellie so we can help save him?"_

Leo interrupted her slew of questions. "That's the thing, Cherry. We actually already saved him."

"_Oh,"_ Cherry replied, slightly disappointed.

This surprised Leo. _She's taking this better than expected. Unless, of course, she's thinking that we only just rescued him now._ Leo blinked in realization.

"_Well, I guess that's okay‒"_

_Shell._ "Cherry, wait. I'm not sure you're understanding me." It took all his strength not to hang up and run. "It was last night. We freed him last night. He's been here, safe, at the lair for more than twelve hours." The forest green turtle braced himself for her response.

When she didn't respond right away, he grew worried.

"Cherry?"

"_Why didn't y'all call us?"_ Cherry was clearly hurt. _"J is our brother, too, ya know! We were worried!"_

"Cherry, I‒"

She cut him off sternly, _"No. I'm calling Kellie and we're coming over right now. Ya'll can explain yourselves then."_

Before Leo could respond, Cherry hung up.

* * *

><p><em>So now I've introduced Cherry. Sure she's still virtually "off-screen" for now, but hey, she still got in. That's enough of a victory as anything else.<em>

_Also, I have a question. I mentioned in the previous chapter's author's note that this story is en media res. Should I put this story on hold and start my whole self-insert series from the beginning, and then work my way back up to here, so I can introduce all the important elements? Or do you want me to keep going with To Be Home?_


	5. Chapter 5

_Hello, everyone! I'm on Christmas break! Now I can write more! WOO!_

_So, here's the chapter you've been waiting for. You finally get to meet the girls! Hopefully it won't disappoint._

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own TMNT. I also don't own Cherry, Desy, or Kellie, cuz that'd be creepy._

* * *

><p>Before going to the bathroom to shower, J slipped into his room to lay out a set of clothes: a simple ensemble of a solid yellow T-shirt and jean shorts, plus socks and underpants. After doing so, he took off his glasses and set them at his bedside. Finally, he headed to the bathroom.<p>

J shut the door behind him as he entered the bathroom. Before stripping completely, he quickly used the toilet. When he was finished, J took off his sweatpants, stepped behind the shower curtain, and turned the water on. He threw his head back as cool water cascaded down onto him. He was amazed at how just two weeks of deprivation could make one forget how good it felt. The boy basked in the cool flow for a few more seconds before starting the process of washing himself. While doing this, J let his thoughts turn to the family of mutants in the other room.

_My family of mutants,_ he reminded himself. _My new family. I still gotta get used to that._

J sighed. _They're all worried. They're going to wanna know. I can't blame them. I mean, there's no way I can hide it forever. It wouldn't be fair. Or healthy. For any of us. But… I'm not ready._ He snorted. _I don't think I'll ever be ready._

The boy balanced on one foot in order to scrub the other, then switched and repeated the action. _I'd better get ready soon. They might try some sort of intervention thing if I wait for too long._

He could see several scenarios unfold in his head.

_Leo would try to guilt the info out of me._

J saw himself sitting on the couch in the living room, with Leonardo seated next to him.

"_J,"_ imaginary-Leo said in a gentle, yet pleading tone, _"you know you can tell us anything. Remember, we're family. We care about you."_

_Raph would just lock me in my room until I spilled._

J wore a knowing smirk as he pictured the hothead guarding his door.

"_Raph!"_ he imagined himself whine. _"I have to go to the bathroom!"_

J saw his door open and an emerald-green hand sliding a bucket inside, along with some toilet paper.

"_Seriously?"_

Imaginary-Raph was very serious. _"When you're done, say so, and I'll take care of dumping it. Then I'll get Donnie to clean it."_

Imaginary-J growled in exasperation.

J stuck his tongue out in disgust, quickly moved on from that grody scene to the next turtle.

_Donnie… He'd probably try to analyze my behavior and stay up till ungodly hours, attempting to form theories as to what might have happened to me, and then connect those theories. He'd forget to eat and sleep. That'll force the others to go on "Donnie-duty" overtime to keep him from killing himself. Eventually that'll lead to Raph locking Don is __**his**__ room._ J chuckled at the irony. Until he realized_… and then Raph would get pissed at me for causing Don's all-nighters and lock me in my room._

_Oops._

The blond shook his head to move his train of thought along. _On to Mikey… I can just hear him now. "Please? Please? Please-please-pleeease?"_ J shook his head. _Okay, so Mikey would probably have more tact in this situation than that. That moment was just to get Don to build the Battle Shell. And he'd pull it on me only if he wanted me to do something mediocre, like play a new video game. But that's off-topic._

_Anyway, I should tell them. I have to tell them._ J turned off the water. _But first I have to get ready to relive it. And that is not going to happen right away. I still need time._

He peeked out from behind the curtain to make sure that no one else was in the bathroom before stepping out to grab a towel. The teen dried himself off and wrapped it securely around his waist, taking extra care to ensure that it was, in fact, secure. _Don't want it falling down out in the open. That'd be awkward._

After reassuring himself that that wouldn't happen, J stepped toward the bathroom door. He stopped momentarily to run a hand through his still semi-wet hair. _"Clean" is the greatest feeling in the world._

J opened the door and made his way to his room.

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

After Cherry hung up, Leo walked to Donnie's lab, knowing he'd find his brothers taking refuge there. Sure enough, all three of the younger turtles were hanging out, chatting idly. Annoyingly, they were chatting about Leo's imminent demise at the hands of one of the girls.

Before his brothers could start making bets on which of their friends would hunt him down, the swordsman said irritatedly, "I hate you guys so much right now."

Immediately the three turned their heads, mildly surprised at their leader's sudden entrance.

Raph, however, was quick to recover. Smirking, he quipped, "So how was yer talk with Cherry?"

Leo stared a hole in the wall instead of dignifying the turtle in red with a response.

Michelangelo grinned cheekily. "It was Cherry, right? I mean, you don't look scared out of your shell, so it couldn't have been Desy."

"I dunno, Mikey," Donnie said, "Cherry could make Hun cry if she put her mind to it."

Raph laughed out loud, "Oh man, I would pay to see that happen."

Leo failed to stifle a chuckle._That would be pretty funny,_ he admitted with a sigh of defeat. The blue-banded turtle found a seat and answered Mikey's question. "Yes, Mikey, it was Cherry."

Mikey's grin broadened. "Didja flirt with her?"

Raphael and Donatello grew grins to match their little brother's, setting their full attention on the eldest.

To his credit, their leader managed to maintain his usual stoicism. Underneath the surface, however, he was praying to whatever existing deities that he wasn't blushing. "No," he said. "I just told her that we saved J and he's here with us." As an afterthought, he added, "No flirting."

Leo's response deflated the orange-banded turtle slightly.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Mikey's energy came back in no time. "You should have at least said something smooth. I would have." The orange ninja leaned back in his chair, rubbing his knuckles against his plastron suavely. "Ladies just can't resist the Mikey charm."

His bubble was quickly burst by Donatello. "Right, Mikey," he teased. "Because you have quite the silver tongue."

The energetic turtle pouted, but he wasn't about to let Donnie get this victory. "You're one to talk," he retorted, "Mister I-still-blush-around-April."

Mikey beamed triumphantly at the sound of the two oldest turtles snickering.

The now-defeated genius looked at his only backup incredulously, words failing him.

Raph did nothing to hide his mirth. "There ain't nothing more to say, Mr. Smooth."

Leo barked out a laugh before he could try stifling it. He coughed in a vain attempt to save face and Donnie's pride, but it was too late.

The second-youngest gaped at him. "Leo!" In defeat, he slumped over on his desk, sulking.

The others shamelessly laughed at the ninja in purple's expense. The scene remained that way for a small while as their laughter died down.

Donnie himself finally had to crack a smile of his own. "At least the girls weren't here for that," he admitted with a shrug.

Leo's humor immediately turned to horror. "Shell, I forgot. Cherry is calling Kellie and they're all coming here."

Mikey screamed, "I'm too young to die!"

Raphael gave the orange-banded turtle another love tap to the head. "Ya ain't dead yet, numbskull. We still got time to ditch and-"

"No you don't, meepers."

All four heads snapped to the lab door, one of them letting out another high-pitched scream. Standing in the doorway were three indignant female forms. The one in front walked toward them with conviction.

Donnie found part of his voice, "Hi, Cherry," he greeted unsteadily.

The blonde looked over each of them with great scrutiny, her gaze coming to a stop at Donnie.

"None of y'all got hurt, right?"

All four turtles smiled at her concern, their nervousness washing away.

Leonardo answered for his genius brother, "Yes,we're all fine. Don't worry. It was actually a simple in-and-out." His brothers voiced affirmation.

Don continued where Leo left off, "I don't think Shredder was prepared for us at all. The level of security he had was mediocre, at best."

Cherry shook her head in amazement. _How did they even know where to find him?_

The dark-haired girl in back spoke up, "That's weird. Wouldn't he have a whole army of ninjas?"

"Yeah!" Mikey agreed. "You'd think so!" The orange-banded turtle stood up from his chair. "We were expecting a HUGE fight!"

"We didn't exactly trust our… informant," Raph interrupted, spitting out the last word.

"But like Leo said, it was really quick," Mikey finished.

Cherry stopped anyone from continuing. "Informant?"

The room went silent as the boys looked at each other.

Leonardo cleared his throat. "Well…" he began.

"WHERE'S J?" the third girl blurted out. "Tell us already!"

Cherry gave her sister a disapproving look.

Mikey, looking ready to bolt, answered carefully, "He's still in the lair, Desy. He's just in the shower. And he has that 'closed-door, open-door' bathroom policy, remember? So he's gonna want his privacy. You can see him after he's done, okay? Don't hurt the nice turtles."

Cherry sighed in relief. "So he's not too hurt?"

Donatello shook his head. "No. He doesn't appear to have any injuries." He looked away, adding, "Aside from a scar on his left arm and a burn on his back."

Destiny looked ready to explode. "WHAT!?"

Michelangelo screamed and hid behind Raph. "Don't hurt the nice turtles!" he repeated.

"His personality is intact, though," Leo announced. "He just has to tell us what happened to him in order to completely recover."

Kellie cocked her head. "How do we get him to do that?"

Mikey peaked out from behind Raphael, grinning. "Leo has a plan for that."

Destiny walked up to the leader. "What are we doing?"

Cherry sighed and dragged her sister away from him. "Desy."

The blue-banded turtle smiled gratefully at her before beginning, "Well, I decided that each of us would spend one day with J. Just the two of us. By doing this, we can let J know that he doesn't have to hide this, without even telling him outright."

Donnie cleared his throat. "Wait, I'm not sure it'd be easy to keep what we're doing a secret, given the obvious."

"Damn fanboy," Raph muttered.

Leonardo groaned and sat down, rubbing his temples furiously. "Shell, you're right. He'll see right through us."

Silence loomed in Don's lab heavily.

"So what do we do now?"

"I don't know. We just have to trust J to come out on his own."

"And soon. This kind of hiding isn't healthy for any of us."

* * *

><p><em>Well, Leo's plan just went out the window. So now what? How long will it for me to open up?<em>

_My favorite part of this chapter was Desy's opening line. Now, if you don't mind, I gotta run. Meep-meep!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Ugh... finally I managed to get this thing out. Last semester was crazy busy._

_**Disclaimer: **"The Hairbrush Song" belongs to Phil Vischer._

* * *

><p>Master Splinter stepped out of his room. He had heard his sons' conversation with Cherry, Destiny, and Kellie. He had heard everything that went on during that conversation.<p>

And, judging by their continuing conversation, the old rat could only assume that they had not heard everything. Or rather, the lack of something.

Splinter looked over. The bathroom door was open, signifying that J was no longer occupying it. He sighed and made his way to Donatello's lab.

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

Inside the lab, Donnie slouched into his chair as his brothers yet again teased him about his sleep pattern, only this time for the girls' entertainment.

Mikey slid next to Destiny, shell cell in hand. "Look, I got a picture."

Desy's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "That's so cute!" she laughed. She snatched the phone out of Mikey's hands and showed it to her sister.

"Hey!" Mikey pouted.

"Look, Cherry! They look so cute!"

Cherry took the phone in her hands, and Kellie looked over her shoulder.

Cherry looked at the photo for a few seconds, then looked up. "Does J know about this?"

Michelangelo cocked his head cheekily. "About the picture? No. About Donnie spooning him? Yes."

"Mikey!"

One smack to the head later, the sea green turtle moaned, "Ow! What?"

Leo looked at his little brother disappointedly. "With an inappropriate comment like that, you had it coming."

"Meeper," Destiny added, nodding.

The orange ninja rolled his eyes. "Oh, so you never thought that?"

While a chorus of "NO!" was probably not the answer he was looking for, it's the answer he got.

What he also wasn't looking for‒or expecting‒was a wooden cane to the cranium.

"OW!"

As he nursed the back of his poor head, the others in the room bowed towards the doorway behind him.

"Master Splinter." Cherry walked over the rat and hugged him, her sister doing the same. Kellie walked up to him, but chose to wave happily instead.

Splinter smiled at the girls and broke the embrace. "Hello, everyone."

Michelangelo responded with a moan.

Donatello stood up from his chair. "Do you need something sensei?"

The master shook his head. "No. However, I recommend you listen closely to the noise outside."

The room went silent.

"I don't hear anything," Kellie said, confused.

"Precisely," the old rat replied, just as the others figured out what he was saying.

"I think J is done with his shower," Don observed.

Suddenly the lab was missing one occupant as Destiny rushed out.

"Desy, wait!" Cherry called after her sister and followed her.

The turtles looked at each other.

"Sure hope she remembers J's closed-door policy," Raph said, grimacing.

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

"…_oh where, oh where, oh where? Is my hairbrush?_" J sang softly to his reflection in the dresser mirror. Contrary to what his song was implying, he knew exactly where his hairbrush was: in the bathroom, where he forgot to grab it on his way out. So he decided, instead of going back, he would use his hands instead. Nevertheless, such a situation as this required him to sing _The Hairbrush Song_. "Always," he said in response to his inner monologue.

Finally satisfied with his part, J adjusted his glasses and stepped back, admiring the job he did. "It'll do."

J turned on the ball of his foot towards the door. _Time to face the music. I don't even know if I'm ready yet._

When he opened the door, he certainly wasn't ready for the glomp Destiny gave him.

"BROOOOOO!" she squealed.

To his credit, J managed to keep from yelping. He also managed to keep from falling over from the sudden shift in weight. This was mostly thanks to the wall he'd backed against in recoil.

"Hi, Des." He tried hugging her back, but she currently had his arms pinned to his sides.

"You're back," she squeaked.

J struggled to free his arms. "Yes, I'm back."

Destiny tightened her hug.

The boy eventually deadpanned. "Desy, I need my arms back, thanks."

"No."

J frowned. "Fine, have it your way." He pushed back against her.

Des broke free before he could make any headway, though.

"Meeper," she quipped, giving a kitten smile.

J couldn't help but hug her, surprising her.

"Meep?"

"It's good to be back."

A new voice added to the conversation. "It's good to have you back, J."

J broke the hug and looked over Desy's shoulder at the newcomer. Upon seeing who it was, he broke into a grin and darted around Des. "Cherry!" He stopped before reaching her. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you right now."

Before the conversation could go any further, J was pushed from behind. "Enough chitchat," Desy ordered. "Everyone's waiting in the lab."

"I can walk," J complained halfheartedly.

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

In the lab, J looked around at his new family. Don was running more examinations on him, making sure his health was maintained, as well as checking on his scar and burn.

"You'll be happy to know," J said to the doctor, "that I used tepid water."

Donnie smirked. "Someone actually listens to my medical orders. Maybe a God of miracles does exist."

While the rest of the Hamato clan, including Splinter, looked anywhere but Don, J replied, "It wasn't even me you gave that order to." He paused. "That 'God' bit's a subject for another day."

Raph suddenly elbowed Leo. Just as the leader was about to speak, J spoke again.

"Speaking of subjects for another day, you're all probably wanting to know just what exactly happened to me in the past two weeks. Especially how I got this‒" He pointed the scar on his left arm. "‒and this." He jerked a thumb over his right shoulder, indicating his burn mark.

All the turtles looked at each other. Luckily, J didn't notice.

"Now," he continued, "before you all hatch some crazy scheme to get me to spill, like try to convince me that I can trust you, which I already do‒"

The whole lab was silent, aside from a muttered "Damn fanboy" from Raphael.

J ignored him. "‒I promise that I will talk to you. All of you." He looked around the room at everyone.

Mikey frowned slightly, picking up on where J was going with this. "Why do I feel like there's going to be a _but_?"

"That's 'cuz there is." J gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, it's just that I'm still not ready." He adjusted his glasses. "I just need some time to think."

A hand on his shoulder almost made him jump. Looking up, J saw that it was Don.

"Don't worry, J," the brainy turtle smiled at him, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "We'll give you all the time you need."

Raphael was about to protest, but J beat him to the punch.

"Oh, you don't have to worry too much about that," the human boy said. "I don't want you to worry for too long." He brought his knees up to his chest and balanced back on his rear, thinking. "Hm… How does three days sound?"

Splinter looked at him. "Three days for what, my son?"

J resumed a normal sitting position. "I can have three days to think over stuff by myself. After that, I have to talk. No exceptions."

Mikey, being Mikey, wanted to question J's limits to his proposal. "But what if‒"

"No exceptions. Raph, I'm counting on you to hold me to that."

* * *

><p><em>And thus ends another chapter. I think that's a great line to end it with. Don't worry, next chapter shouldn't take as long.<em>

_Also, two chapters from now (spoiler alert), I will actually open up to the others and begin my tale, so it won't take that long for me to think over everything. But before that, you get to think over my stuff with me. And get feels. So many feels._


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey! I bet you all were worried that this fic was dead. All seven of you. Seven followers. *sob* I love you!_

_Anyhoo, yeah. Here's the next chapter. But, just a warning to those who are uncomfortable with it, this is the first time in this fic that I exhibit the most primary part of my personality: my faith. I'm a Christian, and so in order to make my author insert realistic, I have to insert my whole self. That includes this. If this revelation discourages you from this fic and this self-insert series, then I am sorry to have made you feel like abandoning it. But I'll press on._

I Still Believe_ is by Jeremy Camp  
>It's a good song.<em>

* * *

><p>J walked back into his room feeling a lot better than he had when he woke up. He wasn't feeling perfect, but given the circumstances, that was to be expected. He closed the door behind him. He didn't notice it catch on the forgotten towel on the floor, which kept the door from closing by an inch.<p>

J sat down on his bed and leaned against the headboard.

_A promise is a promise,_ he thought. _So I'd better get thinking about this whole… thing._

In his mind, he went back two week. It was just a normal night. He was on his way from the lair to the Warehouse.

His hand unconsciously grabbed for his cross necklace. Unfortunately, it was no longer there.

_Dang it._ J sighed. _I wish I hadn't lost it. What happened to it, anyway? Did I lose it during the fight, or did Shred-Ch'rell-take it while I was being held captive?_

J groaned, "This is going to take forever."

He looked up at the ceiling.

_I was so relieved when I found out that I was actually free. But still… I'm not… home._

That one little word was so strong. _Home_. The word induced multiple questions and emotions onto the teen. J didn't know where he was anymore, or what he was supposed to do. He felt trapped, and he was. He hated it. He hated knowing it. He hated Ch'rell for opening his eyes to the truth of his fate. He hated the 2003 universe for holding him in. He hated his own universe for rejecting him.

It was like a dam had broken. In a fit of rage, J grabbed his pillow and threw it across the room. He breathed heavily after it hit the far wall. But it wasn't over yet. J vaulted over the foot of his bed and attacked the next item: his desk. His notebook, sketchbook, and books were all swept off the desk and fell onto the floor. He kicked his chair over on his way to back to his bed. He flipped the mattress over the other side and then whirled to face his last target. The poor nightstand stood no choice against the broken teenager. It took little effort in his rage-induced state to pull the furniture piece over, along with it fell his glasses case and digital alarm clock.

Before J could look for another item to let loose on, his alarm clock landed on its _Sleep_ button, turning on its radio. Jeremy Camp's voice suddenly filled the room as his song began, and J stopped in his tracks.

_Scattered words and empty thoughts_

_seem to pour from my heart_

_I've never felt so torn before_

_seems I don't know where to start_

J shook his head, amazed at how appropriate the lyrics were to his situation.

_but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain _

_from every fingertip, washing away my pain_

J sank down to the ground and picked up his clock, turning it upright.

_I still believe in Your faithfulness_

_I still believe in Your truth_

_I still believe in Your holy word_

_even when I don't see, I still believe_

J looked over at the mess he made around his desk. His bible and theology books lay scattered and opened to whatever page they were dropped onto.

_Can I still believe?_ he wondered. _Where can I go from here? What about the purpose I thought I had?_ Jeremy's song continued.

_Though the questions still fog up my mind_

_with promises I still seem to bear_

_even when answers slowly unwind_

_it's my heart I see You prepare_

J choked out something between a laugh and a sob. He couldn't believe how close to home the song was hitting. He sang softly along as Jeremy Camp reached the chorus.

"_But it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain_

_from every fingertip, washing away my… pain…_"

_I always say music is my refuge. _J quickly got lost in the song.

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

The noise J created during his outburst had drawn the attention of the others. They all raced to J's door, only to find the noise had stopped, and now music was playing.

Raph went to open the door, but Mikey cut in front of him and quickly peaked his head in through the crack in the door, much to the turtle in red's annoyance.

Mikey pulled his head out and faced the others. "Bros, it's like a warzone in there," he said, ignoring his growling brother and stepping back so they could peak in.

J had already finished trashing his room, and was currently kneeling by his tipped nightstand, his back to the door. The turtles and girls could hear music playing.

"I'm going in," Raph said.

"Me too," Des amended.

Their older siblings grabbed their shoulders, stopping them. Leo shook his head silently at Raph while Cherry shushed her sister.

"I think J needs to be by himself still," she said. "Y'all need to stay out here for him."

"But‒" Desy began.

"Shh!" Donatello shushed. "J is singing to himself."

Everyone immediately peaked in, listened, and watched J as he lost himself in the music.

"_I still believe in Your faithfulness_

_I still believe in Your truth_

_I still believe in Your holy word_

_even when I don't see, I still believe_"

Leonardo frowned in concern at the implications of this song as the boy proceeded to sing in much greater volume and much greater emotion.

"_Well the only place I can go is into Your arms_

_where I throw to You my feeble prayers_

_And in brokenness I can see that this was Your will for me_

_Help me to know You are near…_"

Cherry grabbed Destiny's hand to keep her from running into the room. The younger girl pouted at her sister. She wanted to help her broken brother, even as he continued, more softly this time as he lowered himself back down.

"_I still believe in Your faithfulness_

_I still believe in Your truth_

_I still believe in Your holy word_

_even when I don't see…_"

J arched his back and looked up, increasing in volume again. His voice cracked multiple times, but he continued without appearing to care, much to everyone's surprise.

"I still believe

I still believe"

Just as quickly as he crescendoed, J deflated and sung one last "_I still believe_" as he hugged himself. As such, he was unable to finish singing along with the artist.

_I still believe, I still believe_

J took a deep breath and reached forward. The group heard the _click_ of his radio turning off.

Destiny was about to ask Cherry if they could go in now, but Leonardo shut the door. He was careful not to make the latch sound so J wouldn't know they were there.

"J has a lot more on his mind then we thought, guys," he said.

Raph huffed, "So we should go in there and help him get it off his mind!"

Destiny, Donnie, and Mikey nodded in agreement.

The brainy turtle pointed out, "It would be better to have all of us helping him think this through."

"No!" the blue ninja demanded. "We can't help him with this."

"Can't," Kellie began, "or won't?"

"Can not!" Leo spat, emphasizing each syllable. "As in we aren't capable of helping him! We don't know how to help him with this!"

Cherry ran up and put her hands on his shoulders. "Leo, please calm down. Why not?"

The leader took a deep breath and continued. "J is worrying about much more than just getting home now. He's questioning his faith in his whole identity."

"What do you mean, Leo?" Michelangelo asked.

"Weren't you listening to the song? Weren't you listening to how J was singing it?" Leo threw the questions out like knives. "He wasn't just singing, he was crying out. He's questioning everything his character revolves around."

The others looked at each other. They hadn't considered this.

Leo continued, "We all know how serious J is about the whole bible thing. He spent most of the money he had on those study books of his. Master Splinter told me that he reads a chapter of one book before bed every night. He also told me that he and J have engaged in conversations about spirituality and worldviews on a regular basis. And we all know how his whole demeanor revolves around his faith in this god of his. If he loses that, he might lose himself." He punched a wall. "And we can't do a thing about it!"

Michelangelo leaned against a wall and slid down it. "Leo's right. We can't do anything about this. Cuz Leo, Raph, and Don are too skeptical to even consider talking to him about all that Christian-y stuff, and I would probably say something stupid and just make the whole thing worse." He groaned and buried his head in his forearms.

Donnie shook his head. "You're right."

"Damn it, why!" Raph growled.

"Hey, what about us?" Destiny asked incredulously. "Cherry could probably talk to J, no sweat."

"I don't know, sis," Cherry said. "I don't think any of us know enough to actually be able to talk to J about this."

Everyone silently contemplated defeat.

"You don't have to."

Everyone's heads snapped towards J's door.

_***J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J*J***_

After J turned off his radio, he just sat and thought.

_This whole thing is bigger than I imagined. I never thought that it would be my destiny to live here the rest of my days. Mortal days, anyway. Then eternity._

"What a mess." He looked around the room. He went about tidying it up.

He started with his mattress and pillow. "I need a place to sleep, after all."

Then he righted his bedside table and repositioned the items on top of it. After that he moved to his desk and righted his chair. After positioning his chair just right, he stooped down and picked up his study books, one by one, and leaned them against the wall corner in alphabetical order by author, as they should be.

"Let's see…" he said to himself, bending over his desk to review the order. "Bickel & Jantz, Duvall & Hays, Keller, Lamb, and Little. Yep, perfect."

"Wait." J straightened up as he realized one was missing. "Where's my bible?"

He got on all fours and looked around. He didn't have to look long, as the Holy Book was right underneath him, open faceup. J froze at the verse it was open to, which he himself had highlighted when he got it. It was his favorite verse, Proverbs 17:17.

A FRIEND LOVES AT ALL TIMES,

AND A BROTHER IS BORN FOR ADVERSITY.

J picked up the book and closed it, chuckling. "All right, all right, I'll talk to them. Sheesh."

He put the book down on his desk and looked around the room again. "That didn't take long to clean at all." He walked to the door and noticed his towel on the floor. "Did I forget to take that back to the bathroom? Oh right, Desy kind of kidnapped me to the lab." He picked it up and put his hand on the doorknob.

He stopped when he heard conversation from beyond the slab of wood.

"...can't do anything about this. Cuz Leo, Raph, and Don are too skeptical to even consider talking to him about all that Christian-y stuff, and I would probably say something stupid and just make the whole thing worse."

"You're right."

"Damn it, why!"

"Hey, what about us? Cherry could probably talk to J, no sweat."

"I don't know, sis. I don't think any of us know enough to actually be able to talk to J about this."

J couldn't help a small grin. _Can't get a better cue than that._ He opened the door. "You don't have to."

He looked at everyone's surprise with well-hidden mirth. _Where's Donnie's camera?_ "Because I still believe."

All the turtles' jaws dropped.

_Now I really want Donnie's camera._

"You do?" Leo asked.

"Why?" Mikey added.

J sighed. "It's complicated, but if you're actually willing to listen, I can explain." Before anyone could respond, he added, "But I'm also ready to talk about my last two weeks."

Everyone nodded at the latter choice.

Leo put an arm around J. "Let's go to the living then."

"Before we do that," J protested, "I need to hang my towel up."

* * *

><p><em>I really do have an explanation for why I would still believe in Christianity after all this. If you interested, shoot me a PM and I'll be happy to discuss with you. Just be sure to specifically mention this fic and chapter. If you're not interested and are just fine with the fact that this fic continues, that's okay, too!<em>

_Please leave a review below, and tell me what you thought about this chapter. Did you like anything, did you see any typos? I want to know your thoughts! I also want to improve my writing skills, because I am certainly far from flawless._


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